By Desiree Argentina, CCS foster and adopter
The death of your cat can be one of the most devastating losses you will ever face. It can be just as difficult or even more so than the loss of a human family member. The loss of your beloved cat can be extra hard to deal with because they are by your side every day and love you unconditionally. They bring you joy and keep you laughing with their silly antics.
The loss of your cat can be distressing and overwhelming. It’s completely normal to feel a range of emotions including sadness, anger, guilt, shock, disbelief and despair. You may even experience physical symptoms. Common physical symptoms associated with grief include stomachaches, headaches and fatigue.
It doesn’t matter if your cat was with you for 20 years or just a few months. The loss is still just as real and painful. Losing your cat is extremely difficult and can cause indescribable grief. You deserve the time and space to grieve the loss of your best friend.
Anticipatory Grief
Many times, we know the passing of our precious feline is in the near future. Whether you are watching your cat get older or they have a heart-wrenching diagnosis, losing your cat is just as painful if it was expected. This is called anticipatory grief. It’s the feeling of grief experienced before the impending loss.
Anticipatory grief is just as valid as the grief experienced after the loss. Even with anticipatory grief, many find themselves unprepared for the grief they feel before losing their beloved cat, and they may find it difficult to express their grief, especially when their beloved kitty is still with them. Anticipatory grief is a very valid and real part of the grieving journey. It is OK to grieve though your pet is still with you. Everything in this article also applies to anticipatory grief.
The first few days after your cat passed away may be the hardest. You may feel like you are in a daze, unable to think clearly or concentrate on anything else. You may find yourself crying randomly or feeling anxious or restless without your furry best friend by your side. You may even feel numb or detached from your surroundings. All of these reactions are completely normal and to be expected.
It’s important to give yourself time to grieve. This is a normal process and can be helpful in healing from the loss. The grieving journey is different for everyone, but there are ways to cope with the loss of your beloved cat. If you’re dealing with the grief of losing your cat, read on for some ways to help.
Expressing Your Feelings
Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions, even ones you may not expect.
Journal about your cat and your feelings. Writing about your cat and the loss can help you to process your emotions and put words to the difficult emotions you are experiencing.
Do something creative to express your feelings. You can draw, craft, make a collage, scrapbook, write a song or a poem. Using your creativity is a great way to process and express your grief in a healthy way.
Reach out for support. Continue reading to learn different ways you can gain support through this difficult time.
One of the best ways to express your grief is by honoring your best friend. Here are some ideas for different ways you can honor or memorialize your sweet kitty.
Ideas to Honor Your Pet
- Order a custom portrait
- Display your cat’s paw print (many vets will provide the paw print to you)
- Plant a tree or flowers in their memory
- Paint a rock
- Book a tattoo
- Paint or draw their portrait
- Put together a scrapbook or photo album
- Display your favorite photos in a frame
- Customizable art or jewelry (check out Etsy)
- Save their favorite toys
- Make a small altar in your home to memorialize your cat
- Dedicate a special spot in your yard
Seeking Support
You may need a little extra support through this difficult time and there is no shame in that. Sharing your feelings about your pet’s death with others who understand can help you feel less alone in your grief journey and allow you to connect with others who share similar feelings. Ask for help from friends and family members who’ve gone through similar experiences. The more support you have from other people who understand what you’re going through, the more you will be able to express your grief.
Here are some ways that you can seek support through this devastating time:
- Attend a pet loss support group
- Join pet loss support Facebook groups or meetups
- Take time off of work (check if your employer offers a pet bereavement policy)
- Spend time with loved ones and other pets
If you find that your grief is so overwhelming that it interferes with daily life, consider talking with a mental health professional about how to cope.
Taking Care of Yourself
You must take care of yourself through this difficult time. Practicing self-care and being gentle with yourself while maintaining your physical and emotional health is so very important. Here are things you can do to take care of yourself through your grief journey:
- Stick to your normal diet and eat as you normally would
- Give yourself time and space to grieve
- Take care of your hygiene: Shower, brush your teeth and floss
- Go to sleep and wake up at your normal times
- Spend time with friends
- Get in physical activity each day, even if it’s a short walk
- Get dressed each morning
- Keep your home organized and tidy
Cats are family. Losing your furry best friend is a devastating loss and the grief can be debilitating. It’s important to express your feelings of grief and to seek support. Be gentle and patient with yourself. Losing your cat is devastating. Remember that you gave your cat the best life you could have and they knew how much you loved them.
When you are ready, consider adding another pet to your home.
About the Author: Desiree Argentina is a mental health therapist, podcast host and crazy cat lady with an Etsy shop. Desiree fosters cats as well as does TNR (trap neuter release) in the community to help decrease the stray cat population. Desiree has three of her own cats (two of which she fostered and then adopted through Cat Care Society). She recently lost her elderly cat, LeeLee at the age of 17. Desiree is passionate about the human-animal bond and educating others on the benefits that animals can have on our mental health and overall well-being.
This post was authored and edited according to Cat Care Society’s editorial standards and style. Opinions expressed may not necessarily reflect that of CCS.
34 Responses
this was not my cat but was my aunt’s im am 10 yro and this cat has been by my side ever since I got separated from my parents and my parents broke up and i was depressed but Tiggy was always bye my side and was my emotional weird loving funny cat and was adorable???? and pawsome anddddd verrrryyyy clingy this is loveing memory of my wonderful sidekick Tiggy the fluff cat message to tiggy see you up the bud
Sounds like Tiggy was such a great cat and support. Sorry for your loss. RIP Tiggy! <3
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Thank you for this post. Out of all the ones I’ve read on grief by far this is the best one. We lost our beloved 20 year old kitty, Chloe, on Saturday. While we knew our days with her were a gift at her age, we had hoped for at least another year since she was in amazingly good health. Sadly, the dreaded feline renal kidney failure came calling swiftly. It took us all by surprise and dealt us this devastating blow. Thankfully she only had a few days of struggle before we were able to accept the inevitable and were able to release her comfortably, here at home. Oh tho how it aches… sigh. Deep, deep sigh. Sending healing vibes to all who might be going through a similar and treacherous journey. Thanks again, Desiree for “doing the lords work.” You are a gift.
Hi Brian, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I lost my 17 year old kitty back in April so I know just how you feel. We were losing her slowly, had hope as she was doing better (so we thought) and then we quickly needed to make the decision. I’m so glad this blog was helpful. I hope it gave you some comfort.
I just lost my 18 years old kitty Janka today. He was diagnosed with kidney disease 2 years and 4 months ago, after we returned from being evacuated from Lake Tahoe during the Caldor fire. Thanks to a wonderful vet, I was able to provide him with a quality of life after the diagnosis by providing him with fluids and medicines. I added CBD oil to his therapy regime last spring, and that gave him some additional comfort during his final months. But when I returned from work yesterday evening, he had taken a sudden downturn, and was having trouble breathing. I was up with him all night and thought that I might lose him during the night. I took him in his stroller (I’m 65 and don’t drive anymore due a cataract on one eye) to the same vet (who offices are nearby to where I live) this morning, and after checking him, the vet, who is a sweet and kind lady, informed me sadly that his lungs were filling with fluid either from congestive heart failure or cancer. Either way, we both agreed that the right thing to do would be to let him go. It was the hardest decision that I’ve ever had to make, but I did, and he passed peacefully. It broke my heart, but I know that I did the right thing.
correction: whose offices are nearby
Roger, I am so sorry for your loss. Definitely sounds like you made the right choice. Though difficult, you did such a kind and loving thing for Janka. Sounds like you gave him a wonderful life full of love and care.
Roger, I feel your pain. I came here to say I just had to put my precious Baxter cat down this morning. He was 15 and diagnosed with kidney failure six weeks ago. I’m completely heartbroken and saw him declining. Her advice here is so good, I did experience ‘anticipatory grief’ because I knew what was coming for Baxter. I, too, have to allow myself time to grieve because I’m sure missing my sweet boy right now. Bless you. I hope by now your heart has healed some.
Thank you, Desiree, for your kind words. He was my little kitty-buddy and letting him go tore a hole in my heart, but I am striving to fill it back in with the love that I have and will always have for him. I need to give myself time to grieve, and then when I’m ready, I will honor his memory by providing a loving home for another kitty, I think. I will never replace him, nor would I try. Our dear, sweet animal friends are not replaceable, nor are they disposable. I took this week off from work to adjust to not having him with me. I’m 65 and am now alone, after having Janka’s company for 18 years. It’s a big adjustment, but I’m doing my best to cope with his loss. Living here in the mountains is a blessing. When I find myself overwhelmed with grief, when the walls of my apartment are closing in, I put on my boots and go for a 2- or 3-mile walk. I know that nothing that I do will bring my kitty back, but I have the solace of knowing that I gave him a good life, during both the good times and the hard times after he was diagnosed with kidney disease and I was there for him at the end and did the right thing for him.
That is a huge adjustment! I am so glad you were able to take time off of work to give yourself that time to grieve. I love the idea of getting another furry best friend in the future to honor Janka and his memory. Sounds like you have so much love to give! Another kitty will be so lucky to have you! Janka’s memory will live on forever with you <3
I appreciated your words. I had to put my Annie (17) down due to kidney failure yesterday. She and I were bonded for almost 2 decades. She followed me everywhere slept by my head every night and was a sweet gentle soul who was joyful and precious to all who knew her . I feel completely lost and in deep despair without her. As she got sicker and sicker over the month the anticipatory grief was disabling as well and I ended up having biopsies of a strange skin rash ( which now they believe was caused by the stress’s and grief I was experiencing before she ever passed) It is a thousand times more painful now that her energy and love is gone. I am physically Ill over it and can barely function. I try to walk everyday and distract my thoughts … but it is always there. You just have to feel them and endure the agony.
There is nothing worse than grief such as this.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief certainly shows itself in physical ways. This really is such an excruciating pain. I hope that you are able to honor Annie’s life in some way and that you find healing and peace. Annie was so loved <3
Last week my 19+ year old cat’s health declined to where I made the choice to give her final rest. As I read the other posts, they reflect the relationship we build with our animals are often much closer than those of the humankind. Now that she is gone, the emotional pain is intense. Like many others, she and I spent night and day together from the time she was a kitten. It definitely helps to read how others are feeling. It makes me feel less alone.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so hard! I lost my LeeLee almost a year ago. She was a stray that followed me home from work and never left my side the next 13 years. Sending you healing thoughts.
thankyou so much for this today. I said goodbye to my beautiful Slippers with the many toes. He has been with us since we have been together, over 12 years. He had a really bad urinary tract infection and his blood test showed he had diabetes. The vet said I could do injections twice a day and I chose to say goodbye to my Slippers. I am second guessing my decision now and yet didn’t want him to feel bad like he did and I let him go. I don’t need to go into detail about my feelings, as I read these posts I see myself in everyone. So much joy experienced, laughter, fun, cozy cuddling and LOVE!
Goodbye Slippers my friend!
I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you made the right decision. You let him go in peace without suffering. Rest in peace, Slippers. You were so loved <3
My 17 year old cat had a massive stroke today and we had to end her suffering. I miss her and half expect her to jump on the bed to sleep tonight. This sucks.
I made the decision to send my pretty girl Willow over the rainbow bridge yesterday. She just turned 10 and I got her when she was 5weeks old. She has been through so much with me and my depression and now she’s gone and I’m devastated. I miss her greatly and I feel like not everyone understands but after reading these posts I feel not as alone in my emotions of grief. I keep waiting to see her on my bed laying there waiting for me. I had no idea I would feel this broken inside. She truly made my world a better place.
We said goodbye to our beloved Pinky who sadly parted this earth only last Friday evening aged 19…we never got to the bottom of why she stopped eating and losing weight but she was described as “remarkable ” for her age. The death was sudden (cardiac arrest) at a vet appointment and the pain, guilt and void left behind is simply unbearable and intense. I’ve cried so much these past 2 days and haven’t eaten much. All the family are deeply upset inc my 2 children. I have never felt pain this bad. I feel sick and my heart hurts..I’m completely devastated and miss her so badly! ????
My 8 year old has just been diagnosed with cancer and is on pallative care so I am currently experiencing the anticipatory grief. The shock of seeing the rapid change in him has knocked me sideways and he looks at me as if to say what is happening.
He has been my best friend and my shadow and I will miss him terribly when he passes. I take comfort from knowing when my time comes I will have all my beautiful kitties waiting for me.
I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of so many prescious souls. I thought something was wrong with me because I am unable to move on in life. I feel nothing but emptiness and an indescribable void after the sudden and senseless loss of my 1 1/2 year old baby ( for unknown reasons, autopsy results pending) which took place only five months after the loss of my 17 year old best friend who died from renal disease and a large lung mass. Nothing could have prepared me for this. I have loss human companions and did not feel the grief that I am currently feeling. I still hear the jingling of their bells and expect them to come running up to me when I open the door. This is worse that awful.
My beautiful Zoe passed Nov 2023 at 11 years old. She had a mass around her heart and had a difficult time breathing. Unfortunately, I had to make the most difficult decision to let her go. She was the love of my life, she had such a gentle soul and loved me unconditionally. She always followed me everywhere I would go; she was like my child and my best friend. She slept by my side every night. She was always waiting for me at the door when I returned from work, as soon as she heard my car enter the driveway, she knew it was me. Even though it is almost 4 months since she passed, I am very devastated, and I thought it would be easier, it is not. I think of her throughout the day, I miss her so much.
I’m trying to write this while crying .. I can’t stop crying. I took my lovely boy Toby to the vet fora check up only 4 days ago because I thought he was getting thinner .. within 24 hours I was told that he had an aggressive cancer and nothing could be done. Yesterday I took my vets advice and let him go before he got so ill his life would be awful. I just cannot begin to process how my world has changed so fast, I just cannot believe that he’s not here. I want to scream and cry and make him re appear .. everywhere I look there’s reminders of the sweetest boy that ever lived .. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to go on
It is a comfort though to read this article and the comments and realise that I’m not alone.
I have just had the exact same thing happen to my baby, he was loosing weight, chewing only on one side so I took him to the vets expecting it to be a dental issue or maybe a absess but instead she noticed a lesion at the side of his tongue that looked suspicious, they wanted to do a biopsy so booked it in for the next day…. the vet rang me and said it was a tumour that was nearly closing his throat , we decided the kindest thing was to let him go whilst he was already sleeping peacefully….. kinder for him but devastating for me…. I know I did the right thing but I miss him so much , I adopted him as a stray that turned up In my garden, he loved to stay in on the sofa with me and I could see he was so grateful , he was my little shadow ????
Thinking of you and I’m so sorry for your loss xx
I am so sorry for your loss Elaine and everyone else who has posted. I lost my darling Chatty Kathy on Monday, April 1, 2024. I named her Chatty Kathy because she loved to vocalize with me and we would do this thing where I would ask her a question and she would provide a couple of meows and stop waiting for me to speak again. While I spoke she was quiet and then when I was done speaking she would answer. She loved to give and receive unconditional love. Chatty lost alot of weight and was diagnosed, in December 2023, with intestinal lymphoma. For three months I took her in every 2 weeks for two shots to relieve the inflamation and nausea.
Chatty was an outdoor cat. I feed her for an entire year before she decided to fully trust me at which time she simply walked into my living room as if she had always been doing that! Needless to say, although I let her out everyday, she became mostly an indoor cat with a variety of kitty beds, toys and cat stuff. I removed these things from my home within an hour of her passing as it was just too painful to look at.
Given that her conditioned worsened, I made on of the hardest decisions I have ever made and had her euthanized at home. She died in my arms and was privately cremated. Yesterday I went to the vets office to pick up her ashes. Yet another waive of pain set it. I miss her so much. I too have not stopped crying during the last 6 days. But I know that every day I will accept her passing a little bit more because I cannot bring her back.
I retired last year and she was my 24/7 companion. Even when I was on my home computer, she would jump up and keep me company until such time as she decided it was time for me to take a break, at which time she would stand and walk on the keyboard. My days used to start with Chatty coming to my side of the bed and placing a paw on me. That was my cue to get up feed her a let her go outdoor for a while. Half an hour later she would come in and spend the rest of the day with me. Now my morning start without thouse beautiful green eyes staring at me but I must go on as she has done. I am so proud of her.
The emotional pain of losing both of my parents in the last couple of years was really hard. How surprised I was when the pain of losing Chatty seems to be worse! I have placed her photograph, ashes (in a pretty wooden box) and her paw print where she usually laid down by my computer keyboard. How I wish I could pet her now. They say time heals all wounds and I am sure it does; but right now the pain is great. I went to a therapist two days after she passed and that helped. They say the price of love is grieve. I believe that is true. Thank you Elaine and everyone who has posted about their kitty experience. It truly helped to know that I am not crazy to feel the way I feel and that so many other people have, are and will experience the same thing. For now, the memories of Chatty will have to suffice until we meet again some day.
I lost my big boy Mittens yesterday he was only 8 years old. He had a heart attack (im guessing) next to me and it was the most horrible thing I have ever been through. it was very quick and very unexpected.. I still have his sister here and she is looking around for him everywhere. I am beyond devastated and broken. I hope I have the strength to go a day without crying soon. It’s good to know I’m not alone even though it feels very alone.
Our sweet, old Mia passed away last month. She was 16 and had too many health issues. We tried our best to help her, but her heart failed in the end. I feel like a neglectful owner for having her sit in pain for the last year. Was she ready to go, but I wasn’t ready to let her go? I don’t think I ever would be.
I have similar feelings about the loss of my own cat a couple years ago. Because cats are so good at hiding pain, it’s so hard for us to know when the right time is to say goodbye. We don’t want them to be in pain, but we also don’t want to give up too early. What I do know is that we did our best with the info we had at the time, and I have no doubt that Mia felt so much love while she was with you. It’s OK to gave yourself some compassion and grace for doing your best to take care of her.
This is the sadness day of my life. Two days ago we lost our Toby, he was so healthy and he dies unexpectly from massive heart attack. I still in shock because I feel like I could do nothing for him. Toby my cat basically die in my arms and took him only few seconds to pass away. In some way he did not suffer at all but for us this is the most difficult time. He was only 5 years old and so lovely. I can stop crying we miss him so bad.
My dearest, sweetest wee kitty Chynna was euthanized yesterday. I can not recall weeping this much for previous pets, but perhaps I did. I had to get rid of her beds and even her carrier right away – when I could see through the tears. It was a soft side carrier because she would her little nosey on the hard, plastic kind. I feel empty, conflicted and so unbearably sad. May all of us find comfort in our memories. Our animals were so loved.
I lost my beloved Gin-Gin unexpectedly yesterday 5/23/2024. I was in the bathroom, he came in like he ususally did and started to quiver and then dropped to the floor. I picked him up, laid him on my bed, resting my hand on him, feeling his heartbeat, until it stopped. This is a complete shock to me that he died, he was not sick or anything. I am devastated and heartbroken. GinGin was 16 , he would sleep next to me. He loved belly rubs, and stroking under his chin. He is the 16th cat who died. Each cat I had died of different causes but each loss is devastating and heartbreaking.
I held Kasha (Momma Kat) all night as she passed in my arms – she was 20 years old and a rescue (I got her at 1 year old). The past month I could see her weaken and was hoping she was just having one of those phases where they sort of hide, I got one last day sitting with her outside yesterday and some purring before she passed away next to me. It is never easy and I am heart-broken. RIP Sweet Girl Kasha! xoxoxoxo Daddy
My family cat Nala crossed the rainbow bridge on June 27, 2024. She was a bengal and was diagnosed with kidney disease in june of 2021! The vet never gave us a treatment plan and she was just managed thru diet. She always had UTIS and would throw up as a cat and you would think the vet would have looked into this more! But no, they didnt. In December 2023 she got very skinny and stopped eating and we were told her disease progressed. the vet initially said oh she has cancer, shes going to die without any tests. After we did the tests it showed her kidney disease got worse. The vet gave us a med but never explained she needed it for life… they just said oh give her this and well do 1 IV treatment and she will be fine. nala didnt take the medication and she “recovered “ so we thought all was good.. june 10 she stopped eating again and we found out her condition got worse. A new vet was introduced who gave an actual treatment plan – IV 3 times a week and kidney meds. He explained that she was only stage 2 in dec yet the vet in dec told us she was stage 4/5. Now in june she was stage 4/5. My sister force fed her by syringe 4 times a day, gave her IV 3 times a week and B12 shot every Monday… in the ending she only weighed 4.3 lb.. i went to cuba from june 16-june 26 and arrived home at 4 am june 27… june 27 i went to bed crying and woke up crying over a stray cat and it made no sense, then i get the call that sweet nala is leaving us. My whole family rushed to the vet- she was lifeless. My poor sister had to encounter nala collapse in her arms with dialated eyes. She had ulcers in her mouth and we were told she now had neurological issues. We tried soo hard to save her. Nala that last morning was trying so hard to get in her litter box, she wanted to live!! But her body failed her! She waited till i came back from vacation to say goodbye ??
This is the worst pain. She was our family pet, my dad got sick and hes in a home. When my sister married in 2021 she took nala with her. Loosing her has been so painful, i cant sleep, cant eat, i have been having stomachaches since her death.
I came back from vacation all happy to miserable. I just dream of black.. my sister gave me her blanket and i hold it close every night as i fall asleep.
I blame the vet for not treating my sweet nala. She was a fighter and would probably still be here if she had the treatment much earlier.
My heart feels empty, im angry, sad, confused and im questioning god : why did you take my sweet girl at such a young age?
I am also angry for not getting a second opinion. They said cats dont show signs of kidney disease and bengals are prone so we dont really dont know how she has been battling this.
All i know is i dont know how to move forward, how to act, i feel guilty doing anything that involves happiness.
When will the grieve get easier?